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மறுத்துச் சொல்லாமல் மறுக்கும் கலை

யார் யார் என்னென்ன விண்ணப்பங்களை நீட்டுவார்கள் என்பது கிட்டத்தட்ட முன்கூட்டியே அனுமானிக்கக் கூடிய ஒன்றுதான். இதைப் பற்றி நமக்கு ஒரு முன்கூட்டிய வரைபடம் மனத்தில் இருந்தால் இந்தப் பதில் மிக அழகுற சர்வசாதாரணமாக வந்து விழும்.

எது ஒன்றையும் மறுக்க நமக்கு உரிமை உண்டு. ஆனால் அதே நேரத்தில் எவரையும் புண்படுத்த நமக்கு உரிமை இல்லை என்பதை நாம் உணர்ந்து வைத்திருக்க வேண்டும்.

மறுப்புகளை முகத்தில் அறைந்தாற்போல் சொல்வதில்லை என்கிற கொள்கையில் தீர்மானமாக இருங்கள்.

”உங்களுக்கு எப்படி இல்லை; முடியாதுன்னு சொல்றதுன்னுதான் யோசிக்கிறேன்” என்கிற பதிலில் மென்மையும் இருக்கிறது. ”முடியாது போய்யா” என்கிற வலிமையான எதிர்மறைச் செய்தியும் இருக்கிறது.

மறுப்புச் சிரிப்பு சிரிக்கக் கற்றுக்கொள்ளுங்கள். மறுப்புச் சிரிப்பா? இது என்ன சிரிப்பு? இதை எப்படி வெளிப்படுத்துவது? கற்றுத் தாருங்கள் என்பவர்களுக்கு என் பதில் இதுதான். முகத்தை சற்றே அதிருப்தியாக வைத்துக் கொள்ள வேண்டும். தலையை எதிரும் புதிருமாக வலுவாக ஆட்டாமல் மெதுவாக ஆட்ட வேண்டும்.

இதை ஆங்கிலத்தில் (Non Verbal Negative) என்பார்கள். ஒரு வார்த்தைக்கூட நீங்கள் சொல்லவில்லை. ஆனால் எதிராளிக்கு உங்களது இயலாமையை அழகுறச் சொல்லிவிட்டீர்கள்.

அது வந்து…. அது வந்து… என்ற இடைவெளி விட்டு இழுத்து இழுத்து வாக்கியத்தை முடித்து விடாமல் மொட்டையாக முடிப்பதும் ஒருவித மறுப்புதான். ஏன் இந்தாள் இப்படி அசடு வழியறாரு என்று எதிரி முடிவிற்கு வந்தாலும் பரவாயில்லை. புண்படாதபடி மறுத்துவிட்ட வெற்றி நமக்கே சொந்தம்.

சில நேரங்களில் எதிராளி சாமர்த்தியசாலியாகவும் காரியவாதியாகவும் அமைந்துவிடுவது உண்டு. இத்தகையவர்கள் நம்மிடமிருந்து மறுப்பை வெளிப்படையாக எதிர்பார்ப்பார்கள். இவர்களிடம் கூட நாம் தோற்றுவிடக் கூடாது.

”என் வாயால அந்த வார்த்தையைச் சொல்ல வைக்காதீங்க” என்று சொல்லியே இவர்களைச் சமாளித்து விடலாம்.

பாவம் சொல்லவே சங்கடப்படுகிறார். இதற்கு மேல் அவரைக் கேட்கக் கூடாது என்று எதிராளியை எண்ண வைத்தால் அதுவே ஒரு மறுப்பிற்குக் கிடைத்த வெற்றி எனலாம்.

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